Families Change Teen Guide to Separation & Divorce

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You might feel sad, as though you are mourning the loss of a lot of things: your old life, the way your family used to do things, and the good times you won't have together now. It's a lot like grieving when someone close to you has died.

You might be missing the parent you don't see every day, and even missing the parent you do see every day, because he or she is working more, or is really distracted or irritable because of the stress he or she is under.

Sadness is natural, and it's OK to feel sad. But there are things you can do to help yourself feel better.

If the sadness is lasting a long time, or it is getting in the way of your ability to do the things you normally do, get help.

Q & A

Q:
I really feel like I need some help. Who should I ask?
A:

There are lots of people around you who can help. Tell your parents, teacher, school counsellor, family doctor or another adult you trust.

If you aren't getting the help you think you need, keep asking until you get it.

Q:
I'm feeling guilty. Was there something I did to cause it?
A:

You are not the reason for your parents splitting up. Parents split up because of problems in their relationship.

It's not your fault!

Q:
I'm feeling really upset and confused about my parents splitting up. Is this normal?
A:

It's natural — and entirely normal — to experience some intense emotions. You will feel better over time. There are lots of ways to help yourself feel better, and people who can help you if you need it.

Q:
What is the difference between separation and divorce?
A:

When two people have been living together and they decide not to live together anymore, they are separated. However, when married people separate, their marriage has not yet ended. They have to get a divorce to legally end a marriage. Common-law couples don't have to get a divorce, because there is no marriage to end.

Q:
Can I do anything to get my parents back together?
A:

Most parents split up only after trying very hard to save their relationship. Some teens hope and believe that if they try to be on their very best behaviour, their parents will get back together.

However, this plan isn't likely to work, since their parents' decision to split up had nothing to do with them. Their decision to separate or divorce is usually final.